We are here to help...

Do not worry, you are in the best of hands. The Federal Government is here to help :

“But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it*, away from the fog of the controversy*. Furthermore, we believe that health care reform, again I said at the beginning of my remarks, that we sent the three pillars that the President’s economic stabilization and job creation initiatives were education and innovation*—innovation begins in the classroom—clean energy and climate, addressing the climate issues in an innovative way to keep us number one and competitive in the world with the new technology, and the third*, first among equals I may say, is health care, health insurance reform. Health insurance reform is about jobs*. This legislation alone will create 4 million* jobs, about 400,000 jobs very soon."- The Speaker Of The House, Nancy Polosi

*More like the fog of insanity. - me

objects in the mirror are closer than they appear

Who thought it a good idea that "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" ? It makes as much sense as the Meat Loaf song of the same name, and by the way Ohio, it is not a 'meer', it is a 'mĭr'ər'. 

According to Wikipedia : This makes objects smaller than they would appear if the driver viewed them in a flat mirror, or turned and looked at them directly. Since smaller objects appear farther away, the objects seen in the mirror look further away than they really are. If the driver does not consider this, they might make a maneuver (such as a lane change) assuming another vehicle was a safe distance behind, when in fact it was quite a bit closer. The warning is there to remind the driver of this potential problem. 

Only a government entity (US Dept of Transportation, regulation 571.111, rearview mirrors) could come up with this. 

So, mirrors reflect reality, except for those that are regulated by the government. Great.

mirror
Something that faithfully reflects or gives a true picture of something else. Dictionary.com

mirror

early 13c., from Old French mireor "a reflecting glass," earlier miradoir (11c.), from "look at," from Vulgar Latin. mirer*mirare, from Latin. mirari "to wonder at, admire". Fig. usage is attested from c.1300. The verb meaning "to reflect" is first attested 1820 in Keats's "Lamia."  from Online Etymology Dictionary

More News from Bizarro World

Pentagon Exam Calls Protests 'Low-Level Terrorism,' Angering Activists 

The written exam, given as part of Department of Defense employees’ routine training, includes a multiple-choice question that asks:

“Which of the following is an example of low-level terrorism?”

— Attacking the Pentagon

— IEDs

— Hate crimes against racial groups

— Protests

The correct answer, according to the exam, is "Protests."

Cash For Clunkers : Explained

Wondering about the Cash For Clunkers Program ? It all makes sense now :
From Big Hollywood :

You can trade in a car getting 18 miles per gallon or less for a car getting at least 22 mpg. But the voucher would grow to $4,500 if the new car’s mileage is 10 mpg higher. Now, if you own an old SUV, you could receive a $3500 voucher, if your new wheels ... Read more... 

reluctance to take Congress at its word on savings

Democrats’ $1-Trillion Health Care Plan to Cost 23 Million Americans Their Private Insurance, CBO Says
 

Best line :

"Dodd then complained that the CBO does not take Democrats’ plans for future cost savings into account when it calculates the cost of the bill, saying that the non-partisan office’s reluctance to take Congress at its word on savings assumptions skewed the final analysis."

Joe Biden Quotes

"Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am 

to be vice president of the United States of America. 

Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me." 

News from Bizarro World - Northern Edition

Woman to fight $420 fine for not holding subway handrail :

"MONTREAL - The Montreal woman who was handcuffed and fined $420 for not holding a subway station escalator handrail is planning to fight the tickets, saying she was treated like a "criminal" for trying to avoid germs."

und you vill hold ze handrails !!

News from Bizarro World

Ohio Patrol Cruisers Go Solar

"To conserve fuel and battery life, the fleet of nearly 1,200 Ford Crown Victorias is being equipped with 5-watt solar panels"

5 watts ? Did you say 5 watts ?

Obama's Green Guru Calls For White Roofs

""If you look at all the buildings and if you make the roofs white and if you make the pavement more of a concrete type of colour rather than a black type of colour and if you do that uniformally, that would be the equivalent of... reducing the carbon emissions due to all the cars in the world by 11 years – just taking them off the road for 11 years," he said."

A bucket of paint is all it takes...who knew ?